I learned my lesson a day late and a dollar short.
This is hard to get my head around, but I might have holidays backwards: I think things should go perfect for me because it's my day.
We went to the zoo and had a lovely time. It was sunny but cool. The lilacs were beautiful, the safari animals were frisky.
My son wanted to leave. I wanted to see one more thing that was right next to the exhibit I was at. He said "If you do that, I'm leaving." I said "No, it's right here and we'll leave right after, so come on." And I popped in for a few minutes and then he was nowhere to be found.
Security was right there and I asked them if they'd seen him, a 5'10 thirteen year-old with glasses in a grey and red hoodie. They said he was probably close and I should sit on the bench right there and they would call on the radios. I didn't want to cross the bridge over to the other side if he was just hiding, and would momentarily pop out and ask for ice cream, so I waited until they got back to me and said they didn't see him. Then I crossed over and found him all the way at the other entrance, fuming.
I guess I screwed up. It made more sense when he was 4 and I knew I could only do 3 things with the kids and one of them had to be eating. Then they would give out and the whining would begin. They just can't go for hours. I don't get it, but I know it. When he's done, he's done, and 5 minutes 10 yards away is not the relevant factor. I should've sat down for a second and negotiated. Not, basically, it's "My day, it's my way, don't you dare take off across the highway."
So anyway. This is kind of a moebius thought but I need to turn it inside out... We are not celebrating Me, as thee Mother. Kneel down to the Queen of the family and pay your respects.
I can't throw away actually being a good mother so I can act like a two year-old.
I ruin my own holidays. Ouch.
The point is for me to take some time and reflect and feel my gratitude for the tremendous gift I have already been given.
1 year ago