Sunday, May 30, 2010

What's Up?

Just got home from the hospital. I turned in to my neighborhood and saw something in the road up ahead. I slowed down. It was a little baby bunny sitting in the road staring at me. It was super cute. As I got closer it turned and hopped away. I turned the corner.

As I came to the next corner, I saw a baby bunny sitting on the curb, staring at me. As I got closer it turned and hopped away. I thought, "Whoa, that was weird." and turned the corner.

As I came to the next corner, I slowed down and looked around for my baby bunny. I did not see one. I thought, "Okay, good, that would've been odd..." So I pulled into my driveway. Guess who? Baby bunny sitting in my yard! I pulled in and it hopped away.

I think there is a magical baby bunny teleporting through my neighborhood to send me some kind of message. How else could you explain where all these baby bunnies came from?

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Rooms and Numbers

At the hospital there is the "old hospital" and the new tower. The new tower is beautiful and has the fastest elevators I have ever been in. A lot of times people make comments, like "Already? Wow." So the new tower has nine floors and to differentiate the room numbers from the old tower, they add a 1 to the beginning. So my dad is on the floor where the rooms range from 1920 to 1945. I'm just thinking, there's got to be somebody on that floor who's in the same room number as the year they were born. I don't think that would be good.

Friday, May 28, 2010


I ran across an interesting user on the delicious bookmarks site. It seems to be a manager hiring people in Bosnia-Herzegovina. I think. Anyway, it made me happy for a minute. Hope, recovery, life goes on! : )

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


You have permission to do your best! : )

Sunday, May 23, 2010

My Youngest

Here are the funny things my youngest son said just while I took him to Panera Bread today:

"Mom, I'm going to make a bumper sticker that says, 'Honk if you're Amish'. It's funny because they don't drive cars!"

He picked up the newspaper and said "I'm gonna cut you!"

We ate outside and he said "Pet Supplies 'Plus'". Is that where you have to go if your cat is really fat?"


My Dad had a mild heart attack last week but he is on medicine and they sent him home again. I have to be careful not to drop him so he doesn't explode. Well, he smiled. What can you do? I have something I'm working on for him, I'll let you know how it goes when it comes together.

Had a good weekend. My youngest and I just got back from the park a little bit ago. We climbed underneath the bridge, down the slope, jumped over the creek and climbed back up the other side.* It was a total blast and really good exercise!

Climbing ladders was just the beginning. I've also gone exploring empty places, gone to an art show, gone to a rock show, watched some scary movies and stopped at a carryout for milk on the bad side of town during daylight hours. Why? Because I am such a badass I am considering dreadlocks? No, I'm just feeling my oats. I expect I'll keep myself reigned in. Most likely I will eventually try to translate my newfound bravery into something that makes sense.

I can't do negative reinforcement, it just shrinks me and ruins me. I've learned that everything new and good comes through fun for me. I think it's been natural like that for me with my kids. All of the best conversations I've had with them where I've taught them values have started with goofiness and then got serious and goofy and back. We can switch back and forth at the drop of a hat. They are so smart and caring and awesome. They totally get me. I am so blessed. They have interesting thoughts and good values and wacky senses of humor.

We have a bit of a laziness thing going on but I've got some theories... They get it from me. It sounds really weird but I think I've got to find (I can't think of another word) permission to allow myself to decide how I want things to be and allow myself to affect change on my environment. It seems kind of backwards but I think I would really love to have a painting and work outward from there. I liked this guys stuff when I saw it. I don't know. I could also copy a setting from IKEA. : )

I don't think I'm just misinterpreting things or not a good mom because I act too weird with them or I'm making them weird. HAHA! Sorry I can't even buy into that. I am HAPPY my kids are like me. I put a lot of love and effort into that! I am proud my kids are like me!

*It sounds dangerous, but in actuality we were more like crabs, picking our way down, hanging on to trees. See, I am torn between wanting to seem cool and letting the world know I'm not that reckless! : P

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


I've been at the hospital visiting my Dad a lot lately. Think good thoughts.

Monday, May 17, 2010


I think I will go through and put some tags on my posts. I'm not sure what it will look like. To make it easy, I will add the tags "essay" (using the term loosely) and "humor" (using the term loosely). I am thinking that will enable me to present a sort of censored version of my blog to people who just want to see how clever and wonderful I am without having to slog through my craptasticness as well. We'll see how this goes...

Okay, I'm bored. But we're getting there. Maybe it will be worth it. It will be like this:

Johnny's in the Basement

My kids are silly. This is a little un-PC, so don't take it seriously, they were just riffing...

I wasn't happy my oldest threw away his leftovers because maybe I might've wanted to take it for lunch tomorrow. So he says, "Oh I thought you were going to tell me about the starving children in Africa. FedEx should start a charity and give us all boxes so we can ship our leftovers to the starving children in Africa." And my other son said, "No, a vacuum tube. We could clean off the dishes and it would go "Shhoop! Under the ocean." And I said "They don't want your old nasty food! They want new food they can cook fresh themselves. Poor people want respect too. Did you know the poorest person in rags in India doesn't want used clothing? There is no Goodwill store in India. They don't want it because goodness knows who it used to belong to. They want money to buy new clothes." So my son said, "Okay, we can take the pneumatic tube and send it into a trough for animals to eat. Each family gets two pigs, a boy and a girl and if you eat your pig too fast you don't get piglets. The trough can stretch all the way across Africa." The other says, "It will the second structure visible from space, the Great Wall of China and the Subterranean Trough of Africa."

Saturday, May 15, 2010


Today is a year since I gave up sugar. Of course, it wouldn't make any sense to give up sugar and still drink beer, so that too. I was used to having a good time and had gone through agony with my back for two years so it wasn't as easy as I'd hoped... And I haven't been perfect but I can count them on one hand... So, normal people might count that for something...

Someone wants me to feel old and I don't. I think whatever awful thing was supposed to happen with my age switching from 39 to 40, whatever it was got totally overrided by my greatly improved health. I healed from back surgery, gave up sugar, started exercising, and lost 45 lbs. Sorry, don't care about my age.

Woke up the other morning thinking, 'You know, you should have a baby.' What??? 'Yeah, really. You haven't smoked for years. You don't drink. You always took your vitamins. You're strong and healthy. Your kids are big now and you make awesome kids. You really should.' I just wonder how long that's been floating around in my subconcious before it surfaced. Instincts.

None of my old clothes fit me. It looks like crap to wear 4 sizes too big. I have trouble not buying new clothes that make me look pretty. (It's all relative!) It's just for me really.

I've been thinking about things and I noticed I can't even talk to anybody without some kind of compliment. "OMG, I love your shoes!"... "Your hair is so cute!"... What is this? Who is this person? When did this start? It's not a lie, if I didn't think her hair was cute I would've picked her earrings or sweater or whatever the next cutest thing was, but what is this for? I guess I'm trying to be social but I'm just sick of myself.

Just going through a restructuring right now. It's not so good. I feel so unconnected to everyone and everything. I feel like I can't make anything better so what's the use anyway? You know, I never ate breakfast lunch or dinner today. Going to bed. 'Night!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

I'm Surprised They Feel That Way


I couldn't agree more. I'm also starting to get a little tired of my road being torn up.
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Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Insert Pun About Blindness or Sides Here

I watched the movie Blind Side. It was okay. (I hated a few moments of it here and there. Gag me with a spoon full of sugar.)

It was a movie that walked the thin line between gritty documentary and fairy tale. The writers did a good job of going back over the stereotypes and coloring them in a little bit. Except for the husband who didn't exist. Hey, Mr. Moneybags is home!

I learned one new thing about football. What a left guard is for, to protect a quarterbacks blind side.

Mostly I'm intrigued. Michael Oeher says he's going to write his own book. I'd like to read it.

I can see why members of the Academy voted for this character, an appealing amalgamation of traits because in real life nobody is just a little bit of a bitch or a slight control freak.

I wish instead of a movie this had just been an episode of Trading Spouses. But I am glad I saw it. Pop culture, something to think about.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

God Loves a Vacuum

Trying to clean up, trying to get somewhere, because I'm lost, I'm totally in a funk.

No one's here. Cleaning the house and thinking...

Thinking about some of my friends, a lot of my friends really, and how we sometimes get into conversations about life, the universe and everything. And they always win me over in the end. Yes, you are right, magic is illogical, science is logical. You are smart and good and I am silly.

But they don't really give me anything new to go on. Except myself. And myself is not enough... So that's not really the end.

Guess who sneaks back in when they leave? ; )

Monday, May 10, 2010

When a Holiday's on You

I learned my lesson a day late and a dollar short.

This is hard to get my head around, but I might have holidays backwards: I think things should go perfect for me because it's my day.

We went to the zoo and had a lovely time. It was sunny but cool. The lilacs were beautiful, the safari animals were frisky.

My son wanted to leave. I wanted to see one more thing that was right next to the exhibit I was at. He said "If you do that, I'm leaving." I said "No, it's right here and we'll leave right after, so come on." And I popped in for a few minutes and then he was nowhere to be found.

Security was right there and I asked them if they'd seen him, a 5'10 thirteen year-old with glasses in a grey and red hoodie. They said he was probably close and I should sit on the bench right there and they would call on the radios. I didn't want to cross the bridge over to the other side if he was just hiding, and would momentarily pop out and ask for ice cream, so I waited until they got back to me and said they didn't see him. Then I crossed over and found him all the way at the other entrance, fuming.

I guess I screwed up. It made more sense when he was 4 and I knew I could only do 3 things with the kids and one of them had to be eating. Then they would give out and the whining would begin. They just can't go for hours. I don't get it, but I know it. When he's done, he's done, and 5 minutes 10 yards away is not the relevant factor. I should've sat down for a second and negotiated. Not, basically, it's "My day, it's my way, don't you dare take off across the highway."

So anyway. This is kind of a moebius thought but I need to turn it inside out... We are not celebrating Me, as thee Mother. Kneel down to the Queen of the family and pay your respects.

I can't throw away actually being a good mother so I can act like a two year-old.

I ruin my own holidays. Ouch.

The point is for me to take some time and reflect and feel my gratitude for the tremendous gift I have already been given.


Sunday, May 9, 2010

Spackle Me Beautiful


This may be the funniest beauty product I have ever seen. It's like a mini paint bucket and roller. I love gadgets so I kind of want it except, ewwww...

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Everybody's Working for the Weakened

Aw heck, I should've saved that title for some kind of conservative rant. Not for me.

What a crazy week. My son hurt his foot, he's okay. Worked a four hour day, worked a twelve hour day. My car broke down, and is fixed. My Dad had his tubes replaced, and is fine. And some other stuff, and some other stuff. Nothing seems to faze me anymore. Am I now jaded like a Chinese emperor?

Little things though, everybody seems kind of fired up and edgy. And most likely, by "everybody", I mean me. : )

Friday, May 7, 2010

I'm Just Wild About...

Gigantic helmets! : )

"Shut up! Gazoo says it's magic!"

Thursday, May 6, 2010


Uh... Do animals really "crawl away to die"?

I remember my Dad told us to search the woods behind our house, which we did for a week. We never found our dog, King, but we came to believe he was just gone and hid real good because wanted to spare us the tragedy of finding him dead.

Um, woke up suspecting that maybe the truth is that Santa Claus takes them away. And I think my Dad may be even more awesome and strong and loving than I realized.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Ask Not, Tell Not

Considering the issue of dying for my country as raised by Nick:

I just literally can't think of a scenario where my death would make a difference for my whole country. It would have to be a really complicated situation where I was like James Bond and they wired my heart into the biggest nuclear bomb ever and if my heart beat one or two or three more times the bomb would detonate and take out not only the state of Ohio but the whole East coast and continue west over the Mississippi and on over the Rockies destroying the entire West coast. And Alaska. And Hawaii.

I don't know. Seems pretty far-fetched. But yes, I'd be honored to die for my country if it came down to all that.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Minty Fresh

It's difficult to find blog topics with so much going on. So I'll use what I have. Here's a question I'd like to consider: "Is pain a necessary part of personal growth?"

I've learned so much lately. It's been quite painful. Like dig deep, get out the bone saw, and probe for viable DNA. So, that makes me think pain and growth go hand in hand.

But I've also been through years of pain that kept me stunted. Dealing with the back injury, therapy, surgery and recovery was like a period of dormancy. Illness shrinks your life to what you can handle. Other things have immobilized me in other ways. When maintaining status quo is difficult, that's where things stay. (Could the phrase, "Try harder" be a red flag? [It was a white flag, but then came the bloody forehead of futility. {Sorry, I get gothic when I can't sleep.}])

But here's the part I'm wondering about: To what extent can change be affected without pain? Healing was like Spring. The gears started turning. Is it too optimistic to think that instead of "pulling teeth" it could be more like "brushing teeth"? I've been thinking hard and working hard and trying to improve. I hope I'm moving forward. (But if it's not awful, is it real?)