I found this stuck to the wall, about 3 feet off the ground. It appears to be a very important reminder from a small child. ...Who may be grown up by now, judging from the current color of this post-it, which has been there long enough to fade from yellow to white, but not long enough to turn yellow again.
Who is it from? What does it mean? A clue, from another time... A message, from another person... Or a pen-scratching, carelessly tossed in the air and miraculously caught on the wall, or stuck there, meticulously, to torment the curious. (Was it me?)
P.S. I am good! Just chillin'. No computer at home is a drag but I'm running around so much anyway. See you more soon! : )
Ugh. Couldn't sleep, couldn't get out of bed. Everyone's gone so I could just sleep all day if I wanted. Finally decided to get up and see what's on the internet.
Been down for a few days. I know I'm supposed to change, I just have no clue to what. What am I supposed to be being? Just whatever.
Went walking at work outside yesterday but it was way too cold. The wind was whipping. The ground was a minefield of frigid poo. The lawn is practically an unkempt dog park.
So I came in and I didn't want to bother the guys out working on a machine, so I went up and down the front stairs. At the top was a scary stair-ladder. But I knew I could do it because it was exactly like the stair-ladder to get to the roof of the Museum. I went up and peeked around. It was the room for the elevator motor. Very cool. Ancient machines to look at. I felt a thousand times better.
I don't just need to "stay busy". I need to do things that are fun and exciting. What the heck can I do to make this day worth getting out of bed for? It looks sunny outside...
Last night on my way home I sang along to Carole King's "So Far Away". That song usually makes me want to go to karaoke. This song has a lot more oomph live than it seems like it would.
But I don't even want to go to karaoke by myself anymore. I haven't gone since July or August. It was always crappy to go by myself. While you would think massive applause from drunken strangers would be fulfilling... not so much.
This time, hearing the song made me want to play piano. I would change the rhythm a little, syncopate it slightly different because my cadence is different. I've always had trouble with the timing in a certain spot, because that's not how I sing it. ; )
So, thinking about playing piano, about pulling out my Mel Bay #1 beginner piano book *sigh* and the many times I've tried and given up 3/4 of the way through, having just learned chopsticks, frustrated and angry because everyone already knows chopsticks and this is a huge waste of time.
I am so glad I'm in this phase of trying to improve. (It's a bit of a mess, like when you clean the closet and everything's all over the place. So yeah, I'm not done.)
But just thinking about trying to stop making the same mistakes over and over is helpful for anything. I do not have to get out the Mel Bay book and fail again.
I used to feel ashamed about not being able to read music. And I didn't know if it was failure because I could never get there, or pridefulness because I have an awesome ear and perfect pitch and I can manage anyway. Wow. I think I may have a small insight into how illiterates feel.
Anyway, I realized the goal is not to be a piano player, it's to learn "So Far Away" by Carole King on my keyboard. I don't care if I have to look up chord progressions, find the sheet music and decipher it one note at a time or watch someone play it on Youtube. I am not a music major. Nobody cares if I do it right.
The other night it took me 5 hours to fix my stepmom's email for Picasa so she could send pictures. She finally let me come over and help. I've been offering for a long time. Someone else had already tried to fix it. Eventually she kept asking if I was almost done, "Oh yeah, almost done!" And if I wanted to give up "Oh no, I want to try one more thing!" (I wasn't keeping her up late, she stays up anyway. I knew she'd rather have it working than me out of there. Offering to let me off the hook was just being nice.)
I had to try a million things. Whatever the last thing I tried must've worked. : ) Just... there was no way I was going to give up. There was no way I was going to let her down. I would've tried a million more things to help her. She has done so much for my Dad for so long. There's yer strength world, see?
So here's a new picture of me with my Dad from January 29th.
He's back in the hospital again today. I spent most of today there.
I took my boys to see the Glass City Rollers tonight. Roller Derby! We saw the movie "Whip It" a few months ago and I wanted to do this. We had a nice time, it was fun! We saw the Zimmerman Twins band that played between "bouts". (It was actually not uncivilized. It was cute. : ) Plus took the kids to Fricker's for wings afterwards. Man, downtown Toledo sure is fun in the summer! We can do anything we want to. (That is safe and affordable.)
Yesterday, my stepmom called me mid-morning to tell me they were taking my Dad over to the hospital. I knew it'd take a while for him to get over and situated. I planned on finishing up something at work that was overdue and heading over at lunchtime to take either a long lunch or (probably) the afternoon off. So I was waiting on a salesperson and he finally came through and I did my part and was ready to go... I got the call at 12:45, he's going to dialysis and you won't be able to see him. They are going to send him home afterwards so come over at 7.
So I go to lunch but I can't even eat so I do my walking, even though my foot is hurt and I'm super slow. Tears are streaming down my face so I stop in the bathroom out there to assess the damage, because I am super ugly when I cry. It's like, ugh, stop please before we have to kill you or put a bag over your head. Not at all like Liv Tyler who just gets sparkly eyes and prettier. Lately, I look like a stoner all the time.
But then I spotted this little guy, who cheered me up so much... I thanked my lucky stars for being easily amused and anthropomorphically talented! I walked 2 more laps and felt much better. : )