Avett Bros

I just discovered this band and really like this song.

School of Hard Rocks

Yes, I know what an idiot I've sounded like this week. I'm so pretty, la di da di da di da...

One of my sons didn't like baths so I never told him to get ready for his bath, I always asked him if he wanted "Bubbles or No Bubbles". Well, duh, Mom, of course I want Bubbles! So it was a little trick. I feel like I fell for a trick...

I am just so angry. I can't believe I'm angry. I am just steaming. This is not the way I wanted anything to turn out. I am so disappointed. And mad.

I am crying all the time. My friend stumbled upon me and it's like okay, I'll answer your question, but first you must chit-chat with me and cheer me up because I need it and you are just lucky I guess... I don't want to be "that person" people avoid because they are a crap-trap. Grrrrr!!!

I wish I was a guy because I bet I'd be able to get more work done fuming than crying. I put a picture of a jar of rocks on my computer so I can try to get the big stuff done before the piddly stuff. Grrrrr!!! Stupid big stuff...

But at least I've discovered yet another way I have my wires crossed. It's really interesting. Like love/money, sex/security and now anger/pride. Good to know. How else would I learn this sh*t?

And I think my only coping mechanism for anger is dressing like a rock star. How f'ing stupid is that? Today I am wearing a navy blue and grey leopard print silk blouse. I wonder what I can wear tomorrow??? You should have seen me when I had to work 18 hour days. I had actual studs and sparkles. Yeah. "I'm my own person, you stupid bad situation! And I rebel, slightly, against propriety!"

Cousin "It" --Or Bust?

While I was at the "eye doctors"... Okay it was at Wal-Mart. They have extended hours, take my insurance and give me the most thorough eye exam I've ever had. Okay? (The eye doctor commutes from China every day.)

I almost cut off my hair. I'd heard the comment, if I cut my hair, he wouldn't even like me at all. And that mantra was ringing in my ears like a bad TV show. ...Really?

So, being in a super reactionary mood, I was thinking about stopping over to "Super Saver Cuts" or whatever they call it and getting a bob...

Luckily, I ran into an old friend from high school who was waiting for his brother, talked for a while and forgot all about it.

Maybe God wants me to have long hair as my Samson power?

Herrings Are Red

I fell in a "hole" and was depressed again for a few days. I am so happy I am not as stupid as I used to be.

How did this get to be about my looks? Are you serious? Now?

"Now" for 2 reasons: 1. I am in a whole new decade and I do not get to/have to compete with 30 year olds. 2. I am actually better than I've been in several years.

I have lost 40 lbs in the last 4 months and I am still going. I feel 1000% healthier than this time last year when I was still using a walker to get around after my surgery.

I am almost semi-hot for those who are really bad with numbers. I can go many places and be the hottest chick there... Not sure where I put that list of places... And I am either way cuter than I appear in pictures or really good at flirting with mirrors. (Hey, Baby! ; )

I think my career as a super model may be coming to an end. Wait, what?

Peer Pressure

I spent the day at work yesterday in contacts.

I had an eye doctor appointment the other night. I had a big marred spot on my glasses that has been driving me crazy for over a month. It will not be rubbed away and keeps getting worse. So the eye doctor said, well if you can wear contacts, I can give you a free trial pair and that will get you through.

Last time I wore contacts was at the last Jill in the Box show at Mickey Finn's on April 1st 2006. It was like peering through burning shards of torture.

So I told the doctor, "Sure."

Butterfly

I wish I had a butterfly magnet for my filing cabinet.

My Dad

Here's me with my Dad last week!

not actually

Do not be alarmed. I do not act on every feeling I have. I have beautiful awesome babies who I want to see grown up! : )

------------------------------------
Funniest thing that ever happened: When I was a bummed out teenager, the lady at the suicide hotline told me "You can't call just to chat!"

Wringer

I just had the most awful weekend. My only major accomplishments were going to the grocery store and helping my mom. I didn't get any housework done or my taxes done. I didn't even get to see my Dad.

I had 6 visits to 'help me' and 'hash this out'. Last night I was finally convinced again that I am old fat ugly mentally ill weird strange and no one will ever want me. God please help me I can't live like this. ... I just want to die!

Candide

I finally finished this book!

Spoiler alert!






Everything turned out for the best after all.

Me-

Okay, so the joke, a planned update to my earlier post, was supposed to be "Those services cost extra, so we just talked instead..." But yeah, no, it was like that. But the surprise was the torture wasn't just for me. So, I've got that going for me.

Thank goodness my friend Pam was there for me this evening. She gave me a present, a journal. It's Hokusai "The Great Wave". I have this magnet on my filing cabinet at work. I take that as a good sign.

I learned a new prayer: "Dear God, Whatever. Amen." : )

Ow

I am going to marriage counseling this afternoon. I am so scared. I am pretty sure they are going to pry off my fingernails, shave my head, and pluck out my eyelashes.

Happy Valenstein Day!

(link)

I hope things are nice for you today!

For me, I guess some things have changed... I guess it's time for me to be sad now. Or maybe I'm getting stronger. I don't know.

I will miss it, because it was really kind of sweet. Happy Valentine's Day.

Day In, Garbage Out

Wow, I had a crappy day today. Just feeling kind of melancholy and blue. I was not into working at all. I almost never feel like that. I should have just gone home and had my own personal snow day.

I guess not every day is going to be peaches and cream. Wait, yum that sounds good. Maybe I will try eating better tomorrow. I've been slacking on lunches for a few weeks. My back was sore from shoveling but I felt better for a while after walking.

I was just concluding there is no amount of entertainment or hobbies in the world that will cheer you up if you're meant to be sad. I figured I'd get my "ten minutes" of guitar practice in and worked on:

Pink Floyd - Is There Anybody Out There
Led Zeppelin - Tangerine
Massive Attack - Teardrop
Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun

Now I am a little better than I was yesterday.

Velvety Goodness!

Thanks Jim for the link to the Candy Hearts Generator!

Doorknobs

I can't believe I forgot the name of the things you turn to open doors with today!

Also, I think maybe my blog is not so much boring as it is kind of sad.
But that's okay.

I told my friend I am happy 80% of the time. I think I need to keep better stats! : )

(Then how do you explain all the smiley faces? : )

Tribal Values

Thinking of a company as a family doesn't work as well as thinking of it as a tribe. It's hard trying to figure out why there are three dads, what happens when you have to vote your daughter off, how to feel when your uncle joins the competition, and why the guys out back would like to date their sisters.

Finger Torture

Learning to play guitar again. Been awhile. : )

I'm learning Teardrop by Massive Attack but so far all I have is the theme from House. And blisters on me fingers!

Dogs

I don't have a link but has anyone seen the commercial where they show pictures of distressed animals and ask you to give $19/month to stop animal cruelty?

Manipulate much?

Random

Everything is random.

Yay, my kid is happy again.

Yay, I'm taking motivation from strangers. Hey!

Yay, wouldn't it be easier to just get trashed?

I don't know where I'm really headed. I just need to go.

All That Happened

The only thing that happened was that I got an inkling of what it might be like to have a relationship with someone who actually liked me.

That was enough to change everything.

Another Life In Which We are Cats

Woot! I bought gas for my car. No unpleasant events transpired before or after. It was a successful purchase, made with "grocery money". If I sleep in Saturday and have brunch instead of breakfast AND lunch, that should almost cover it.

Been a Super busy week at work. I think this is appropriate for Super Bowl weekend. (I can't believe the bowling tournament people let the NFL get away with that. It should totally be a bowling event.)

I never did tell you about my Dad's birthday. It was really nice! I worked later than I wanted to and had to pick up my boys and feed them. We ate at Arby's. (Thank you Arby's for the $1 menu. We can finally go to you without feeling ripped off because we could've eaten at a nice restaurant for what we just spent.)

We went to Meijer's to get a balloon and a flowering plant and card and presents. Presents are hard because there's not much he can use or needs. We got him a really cute stuffed fish that looks like Nemo but cuter with big froggy eyes and a Koosh ball. (I almost cried right there in the store when I realized I was going into the baby toy aisle to look for a present for my Dad. But I held it together.)

We had a really nice visit in which the boys were really silly and cute and we talked about being little and my brother and I throwing cats off the deck to see if they really do land on their feet even if you turn them upside down first.

Today

Today is my Dad's 65th birthday. I wanted to share a picture but I don't have it yet.

Augggh.

Augggh. What a day.

Double Standards: Twice as Good

Feeling loopy. Who needs sleep? No sleep for the tired!

Isn't it so funny how everything is perfect until it's not? I didn't even know I was judgemental. It's so easy to be rigid when you're stuck. So stuck when you're holding on for dear life. Let go, the ground is soft.

So easy to think that people who's relationships didn't work just didn't try hard enough. People who don't have jobs don't work hard enough. People who fail aren't smart enough. Everything is wrong until I end up there, huh?

Thank God that I am finally around long enough to know that life happens. (And I don't mean sh*t happens because life is not sh*t.) I don't hardly know anyone whose problems came from not trying hard enough. Most of them tried way way too hard...

Tomorrow I have a visitor coming. All the ladies swoon for Mr.Dreamy. I thought, why do they act like this? That's conduct unbecoming of a lady. Whatever. They are doing it right. Rather than stressing, going a little gaga might be the ideal response for dealing with the presence of a cute/sexy guy. It acknowledges it, declaws it and blows off some steam. You don't have to worry. People understand they aren't getting anything but an ego boost.

Maybe the whole world is right and I'm the one who's wrong?