Where You Want To Get To

Wish I knew what I was really saying before I was actually saying it. But I usually say what I need to hear if I only listen, "It's not about what it is, it's about what it means." So, some things are opportunities, some things are just good signs. Some things are growth. Sometimes you've got run into the curbs to see where the road is, or even to find the turns. Getting off base a little bit to reach critical mass and find out, wait, I've got a lot more growth to do. I'm not working this hard and causing this much havoc just to get to Maslow's level one. I have to keep in mind the ultimate goals that I'm doing the whole horrible metamorphosis to achieve. Okay, eww, thinking cockroaches *sigh*...

Interesting few weeks, interesting, sometimes painful days. No pain, no gain. (Pain is helpful. It makes you tough. It keeps you from injury. Triumph.) Learning acceptance and letting go. Remembering my spirituality. It's helpful to look at things the opposite way. Why do I make bad choices, I'm a loser. How about no, it's a stellar choice in a few ways but... You can make even better choices that work and be a winner. Look at things the opposite way and poof, you're on the other side.

Ahhhh, Beef!

Was just thinking "I wonder what I should make for dinner..." And I heard a deep voice in my head say "Beef. It's what's for dinner."

Thank goodness for advertising!

P.S. I've been too scared to look into the whole Lady Gaga thing so this is just literally about my dinner. : )

Look Up

Learned something interesting... Well you know, I don't know if this is gossip or not. I'm starting to think that people who break these rules are more socially aware than people who follow them. It is freaking hard to follow every freaking rule. It's just awful, you can never succeed. It's okay to not exactly agree with some rules, or draw gradients and draw a line on the spectrum... Anyway, maybe this is gossip but... I found out someone I like actually likes someone I really think is a jerk. The implications are huge: My opinions are just mine. Not everyone thinks of everyone the same way. Everyone has a shot at friends. A lot of people might think I am a jerk. That's not the end of the world. It's variable. (I don't think variable's the right word. What word do I want?) Maybe I can vary people's opinion of me. Maybe I don't have to. If I strive for what I believe is good, we will all survive.

I had some trouble with some acquaintances, see a few posts back, and someone asked me "So why do you want to be friends with these people?" That's a very interesting question...

I have to get ready for work so... Have a good day! : )

Reality Food TV Shows

Made this list of parody names for reality shows for the Food Network. One of the things I was doing instead of sleeping the morning of August 26th : )


• Big Broth

• American Ladle

• Judge Juicy

• Dancing With the Jars

• Supercanny

• Pimp My Rice

• So You Think You Can Mince

• Breadliest Catch

• Wife Soup

• The Appretzel

• Chops

• History Dieticians

• Project Soufflé

• DishBusters

• Ice Cream Truckers

Guess What's For Lunch

Hello! It's been a few days. Everything is pretty decent. No news is good news! I always hated that saying when I was a kid and thought it meant "All news is bad news." Haha.

Last night my kids and I made croissant dogs: you wrap hot dogs in Kraft cheese slices and Pillsbury croissant dough and bake them in the oven. We started with 15 minutes kept going so I'm not sure how long... It was fun!

Just Don't Know

Went to the show. Said Hi to an acquaintance who I know from a social network and his friends one girl one guy introduced themselves to me but then right away he waved his hand up at me and said "Well, you came over to say Hi, so Hi--" and turned to walk out to the back porch. I just felt kind of stupid so I watched the TV for a while, there was a show about pawn shops that was kind of interesting. Then the opening act was setting up so I went out and got a good table and kind of put myself to the side like either that's how I wanted to sit or they were welcome to join me when they came out. And they didn't look at or say anything to me and sat at the table right next to me. And then another girl from the social network came in and sat down and looked at me like sorry and then whispered to the other girl. I was so embarrassed and felt like a presumptuous loser. At the bar when I went up I said to the guy 'I must have misunderstood, when people announce things it usually means come join them and you do know me, so I'm kind of embarrassed... You're making me feel like some kind of creepy stalker or something.' So he said 'Don't worry about it, you're fine.' But nothing changed, it's not like they then asked me to pull my chair over 12 inches or anything... I felt so rejected and stupid I had to go out and cry for a minute. I came back but I felt really uncomfortable. I went to get a refill of Diet Coke and somebody took my table. But I paid my $7 and I was going to see the band. So I hung out in the doorway and then after a couple songs found a place to sit behind a wall next to the sound guy. I had to go out and cry a little more. I came back and said a prayer, just that I could accept the situation and find peace. Then the band was having trouble with feedback. And the sound guy was not around and the band was saying "Somebody please help us! Just turn down "K1" and "K2"!" And so I stood up and peeked at the giant soundboard. I saw no K1 and K2 but positionally I was starting to suspect the sliders labeled Q1 and Q2 were it and was still debating whether the sound guy would kick my ass or just kick me out when he came running up. I said "I didn't touch anything" and sat back down. And I started to enjoy myself because I realized: I am not a "cool kid". Who would do that? I can be dorky. I can be emotional. I can be way too earnest. If I'm not dancing with my feet, I'll be dancing in my seat or at the very least keeping the beat. So I guess I don't really fit in with them. I guess I wonder why they didn't tell me I wasn't welcome. Oh wait, they did. See? Not cool.

The band walked off the stage because of the sound guy or the crowd.
Anyway, I will beg Barb or Amy to go next time or hunt down my wild band girl Jackie. I need a wingman. Wait--sidekick? Whatever!

I want to know when I will find my crowd.

Please Ignore the Name : )

About to go see this band! : )

Subtract the Add

My doctor is convinced I have ADD because I multitask so well. But all the medicines she has been trying on me have backfired horribly. There was the blindness incident. Yay. Then last week I started something new that put me in a horrible barbaric mood, wanting to plunder, rape and pillage. Yay. One day I came in early and wanted to leave on time, but my boss came in at 5:00 to have an impromptu 1/2 hour meeting. Oh wow, did I *glare* at him. I need to practice being assertive still, huh? I'm sure anything I could've said would've been more polite than sending psychic eye daggers. Namely, "Look I have a headache. I'm in a bad mood. I came in early and I'd like to go home now, can we please do this tomorrow?" Ooh, I'm going to write that on a piece of paper and stick it in my drawer. : ) I'm keeping some of these pills for just in case (Note to self: Strattera, 7 hours, you know what I mean.) I think I just need to tell the doctor, Look I have a 183 iq I'm going to overthink things. I'm used to it. Let's move on. Please.

Leave my head alone! I'm a Human!!! ; )

Blow The House Down

I thought my new mind-hack (Now there's a euphemism) of acknowledging my thoughts and then they would leave me alone... well, It's not that efficient. It's not something you can really do in a second. Dismissing things immediately is once again throwing them in the back of the closet. Where they can hide and jump out at you.

I've been trying to look at the bright side. I'm testing my mettle. I'm building up my character. I am widening the corridors and adding more lanes.

Wouldn't I love to really need red roses? Yes, but I'm not going to superglue my face to them. I'm not going to superglue a dog and a cat together. You can't just play with superglue. Lovely magic superglue. Don't even sniff it.