WIF

What if?...

I had a supremely crappy day at work yesterday and I was very upset. I have a, I don't know what to call it, project or task that takes hours and hours to do. I go through thousands of records fixing various errors and there are like 12 different things I have to fix. And I do this every month. And some new circumstances have come into effect that make it even worse since the beginning of 2010. So I spend like 60 hours a year at least, fixing things in this area that shouldn't even be wrong...

And it finally just occurred to me to get fed up.

First, let me tell you real quick about one change that just happened. I am so super busy that I've given my girl (and I mean that in a super-good way like "Hey hey, mah Home-Girl!") all kinds of things to do for me that I wouldn't normally have the audacity to ask, things like "Please enter this", "Please file these", "Please pull these invoices", "Please make these labels". And I feel so guilty because I feel like I'm treating her like my secretary and it's kind of and unspoken part of the corporate culture that "we don't have secretaries, we do our own work." But I'm so busy, I've just given up trying to do every little thing, I just CAN'T. And I give her big stuff too. I used to worry, what if I turns out wrong? I should do it myself! At least I can figure out the perfect notes in the perfect words that she totally understand and train her in it which I can never get to... But it doesn't matter! I can tell if things turn out right or wrong. It is part of my super Virgo power to find or even magically stumble upon pretty much every single error everywhere. And if it's wrong, I just give it back and say, sorry it's wrong right here please fix. And leave it up to her to figure out why she did it wrong. Because now I know that as much as anyone ever tries to help anyone else understand by trying to explain it, maybe even several different ways: Nobody ever understands anything until it comes through their own head.
And the weird thing is, even though I'm giving her some good stuff and actually a whole lot of shit work and feel bad, she actually seems really happy about it. Being busier. So. Huh.

Just a number of realizations (not realizations, they've always been obviously true, but they're just things I didn't apply to myself before for some reason) have come together for me:

...

I'm sorry. I just can't do this now. Maybe later...