Piñata

My years seem to have a theme that runs from Spring to Winter. 2008-2009 was about healing. Physical therapy. Health. Lessons which I still carry forward...

Last year seems to have been about acceptance: There might be some problems... It's okay to have problems. I don't have to just feel guilty and beat myself up and try to hide myself.

It's okay to be as wonderful as I am too. I don't have to feel guilty and beat myself up and hide myself.

I could only get so small. It's so different to shift the main focus from minimizing the bad to maximizing the good. Potential.

Sure the change in flow has spit out some junk too but it's not so bad. Moving some dirt and bugs and dead leaves to make way for the flower. We're just going to have to grow around the rocks instead of through them.

One sentence that has come to mind is "Do what works better." I learned what I feel "better" is, now I'm working on "what works", next I will work on "Do". (Color coded filing really works for me, just thought you should know.)

I wouldn't be human if I wasn't disappointed... It takes a lot to just give up everything, even if it didn't work. I'm not going to give up my whole life though. I'm not going to give up everything about living my life and raising my children and the love I did get and the love I did give.

I'm just bummed that we went through the whole big Mexican standoff only to find out neither one of us is Mexican.

Keep It Simple Stupid

What do you mean by "simple"? Do you want to minimize the number of steps, the resources used, the average time to complete? Improve the ergonomic efficiency? Make it foolproof? Easy to assemble, or even all-in-one? Or is the goal "ease of use"? Have you done a user-interface study?

And what do you mean by "keep"? In order to keep it simple wouldn't it already have to be simple? Maybe this is a warning to guard against gathering complexity, bureaucratic additions acquired over time?

What is "it"?

Who you callin' "Stupid"?

...

Plants

Here are a few of my favorite plants: Pine trees, ferns, cedars, lilacs, carnations.

Repetoire

When I took my Mom to the store, my boys were being buttheads and wouldn't come. That's okay, we had a leisurely lunch. I was thinking about what I posted the other day about understanding my Mom a little better and I wanted to talk to her. I really wanted to know, why should I love you.

I knew all this but we talked about it again, how she grew up in the 50's on a plantation in Cottonport, Louisiana and was taken care of by a nanny named Lightning. She spent a lot of time sitting under the pecan trees. It was like Gone with the Wind. How she never could catch on in school. She was a cute as a button and people told her she looked like a cross between Shirley MacClaine and Elizabeth Taylor. She sang like Doris Day. I remember her costuming at The Toledo Repetoire Theater.

I asked her why she left and she told me, yadda-yadda-yadda. But the way I saw it... It was summer before I turned eight and the last thing I remember is I cut the crap out of my hair and she didn't take it well Etc, etc, I don't remember very clearly but very soon she was gone. Guess who thought they caused this?

Ugh, resentment is a killer. I couldn't even think about this before last year. I want to understand and do the opposite and heal things. I think it was just one more thing she couldn't deal with. Just really bad timing.

Not sticking with trouble was a lesson I shouldn't have rejected out of hand, saying "I'm never going to do that". I really should've kept "giving up" in my repetoire.

So my mom is an undiscovered movie star. As an extremely minor rock star, I can relate to that.

Things will be okay.

Sphere Energy

Okay, I found this astrological compatability test that's pretty cool and conveniently boils whole relationships down to a simple number.

It's kind of interesting though. I ran the numbers (Ha! Sounds official, like accounting) on my Dad and Mom, 166 pretty bad, attraction leading to doom, to paraphrase it. Then I ran it for my Dad and Stepmom 680, better, stability.

I don't know that I really believe in star power, there's no evidence like the bible ahem, but I think there is kind of an energy thing. Different things "flow" differently...

Like opposites attract. This is workable because one person has to give in. At least you can make the thing roll and get somewhere. There's a compatablity in the oppositeness, two sides of the same coin. One person gets to lead but in their leading they get happy and that makes you happy back.

Discordant vibes are tough to work with because it doesn't matter who strives and who gives in it's just incredibly difficult to ever get on the same page. One person works from left to right, the other is up/down. You're only hooked in the middle. It only works if no one changes anything, because then you'll get off the one spot where it really works. It's frustrating for both. They hold each other back.

Compatability makes it easy to go far. You take off like a rocket. You could achieve great things together. (Or mabye bad things. I wonder if Bonnie and Clyde were compatible.) Depends on your aim.

How to Solve Your Identity Crisis the Easy Way

One of the first things many self-help books do is ask you to write down your goals and write a mission statement. If I could do that, why would I need this book?

Here is one solution to finding out who and what you are: Pretend you're a detective! Look for clues...

I can tell my interests by the books on my shelf: art, culture, science, history, philosophy, metaphysics, cooking, health, business.

I can tell what's important to me by what I strive for: financial security, love, respect, raising my children, spirituality, self improvement.

I can tell what I think of spirituality by my notions of how I suspect things work. (Hardly anybody believes there are no unseen forces in the universe, if you include science as an unseen force.)

I can tell my hobbies by how I want to spend my time: music, conversation, art, nature, exercise, studying, working.

I can tell what qualities I appreciate by looking at my friends: intelligent, talented, interested, trustworthy, philosophical, funny.

I can tell what I might become by looking at my parents. My dad is hard working, strong, impulsive, artistic, practical, critical. I can see that. My mom is a uh... kitten who believes in magic, likes to take care of people, but runs away from trouble. I am a flirt who is confused about her spirituality, wants to take care of people but not sure if she can, and vowed to never run away from trouble (possibly to my detriment). I think I need to understand my mom better.

I can tell what I need to work on by looking at what's a mess: the room I am sitting in right now. : )

Thanks for reading. I hope this approach might come in handy for someone. Whoever you are...

iDad 2

I want to report back that I gave the iPad to my Dad. He likes it. There are some practical issues to resolve so he can hold it up to use it. My stepmom likes it even more. She had no trouble learning it and she will help him.

Nosiree

Had an interesting thought at work today about saying no:

If you have trouble saying "No" because it makes you feel bad, try this: "No, sorry."

There for the Multitasking

Had an interesting thought at work today about my productivity:

My productivity is down because I'm going through a lot, so I've been trying to focus and just do one thing at a time. I used to be a work MONSTER. My problems are settling down to a low hum. Any bad news is already expected and accepted. It's okay, but my productivity is not improving. But I just realized, having an almost constant background track of personal problems IS multitasking. The solution might be to work multitask MORE!...Maybe? : )

8 2 Brewed Tea?

I went to bed early, but woke back up. I think I had too much caffeine today.

iDad

Got my Dad an iPad. Had to take out an advance to do it but I think it will be helpful. I think he will really like it. I am not expecting much but I'm hoping for miracles. : )

My Dad has always been very technical. He's always been into new things. In the 70's his business sold panel brick and cultured stone. Many of the buildings that have that big rough stone look have that from them. He also invested in and sold solar panels. He worked for a construction company for many years. I remember blueprints on his drafting table when I was little. My brother and I used to draw blueprints when we were little. My Dad would look at them and tell me my doors were impossible. I didn't like that, LOL! But for most of my life he's had a public accounting business. And they always had the newest, best computers available.

I think I will pretend Father's Day is this Sunday. : )

Green is Peace, Right?

Just got done watching Avatar. Um, cool effects and everything but Americans are stupid and evil? Did I get the message right? I am so glad this is a worldwide hit. I feel so much safer now. Thanks‽