Thursday, September 29, 2011

Lost and Found

I think my year begins in Fall. Things seem to change for me in mid to late September every year.

I'm just kind of thinking of the time periods. The last few years have kind of run together. They've been about stages. And it doesn't seem like gradually stages where things fade into each other slowly, but more demarcated, like discoveries: I didn't know and now I do. I couldn't and now I can.

I would not expect to be happy, and really I'm not Happy-Happy about the breakdown of my marriage but really I am kind of more serene now. It's been a long time through stages of trauma, recovery, healing, awareness, finding my eyes (seeing how things really are), finding my feet (realizing I can explore my world), finding my arms (relating to other people on a deeper level), and finding my hands (understanding my power to change my environment and circumstances).


ChefNick said...

It took me a long, long time to come to terms with the breakdown of my marriage, but at least it was fairly cut and dried. When the person you're breaking up with lives in the same vicinity, it's Double Hell.

The further away, the better, and in my case, that was the case. You v=can't get into many confrontations when The Other is 12,000 miles away . . . no nasty late-night phone calls, no running into one of your mutual friends and being told "He's fine. Just saw him yesterday."

What is truly good is when you get to the "Alone" stage, where you're alone and you actually like it. Even having a kid around, you can still be alone.

Maybe you've reached that stage. I did, long long ago, and it was a wonderful period in my life.

Go for it.

Qaro said...

It takes a long time.

Yeah, I do see him. I only just recently switched to question from "Why is he still able to push my buttons?" to "WHY is he still pushing my buttons?" He's angry and in pain too. So we talked about that and that helped some.

I'm not good at being alone yet but I'm getting used to it more.

Thanks, Nick. <3