What We've Got Here

Sometimes I feel like my life is being run by the world's stupidest person:

"Okay, why is there change all over the ground? Pennies, nickels, quarters... I think we have a financial problem. Now why are these various items of makeup scattered along the path? This must be a self-esteem issue. Now, who left this purse just lying here? Somebody's going to trip over that! Maybe we should get a safety consultant out here. Wait, those footprints in the snow don't look right... Because there shouldn't be snow in August! This crazy weather must be related to global warming... And who threw this lawn furniture in the way? I can barely get through. Why the heck would someone put the dresser in front of a door? That's it, design problems! Call the decorator!"